Saturday, January 21, 2006

Danae Explains Blogging

Danae explains the joy of blogging to the ghost of her great grandfather who seems to be thrilled with the new opportunities to avoid actual personal contact. There is one thing to be said for the Internet though. It's better for your computer to be sick with all kinds of viruses you get from E-mail than for you to get the avian flu from real public appearances.







It's really true, you know. It's possible to maintain the illusion of communication without all that noise and without relinquishing any control of your own life. You can talk when YOU want, and listen (or read) when YOU want. And, perhaps most important of all, no one can see you, so you can avoid all those pesky matters of personal hygiene on those days when you just don't have the energy.

Friday, January 20, 2006

The Wonders of Donnie Waugh


I have this friend and drinking buddy named Donnie Waugh from Atlantic Iowa. Donnie is a local Lincoln legend, whose brain seems to be wired up somewhat differently from normal. (Not that I should talk.) The way Donnie's mind jumps around makes it a bit hard to follow his train of thought sometimes; and as his alcohol content rises, his speech becomes somewhat slurred making it even more difficult. However; it's usually worth the effort, as he does come up with some really intersting observations.



Last night I was at my favorite local hangout, Barrymores. Donnie came in while I was there, so Clayton, the bartender, served us up some of the party mix. Don was being his very best bombastic self and waxing eloquent on all subjects as usual. His attention eventually came around to the party mix, and he asked me if I'd ever had any of the special mix that he made. "It's far superior, my boy. I use at least 80% nuts in mine!"


I looked at him for a couple of seconds and said, "Well, that makes sense, Donnie. You're about 80% nuts yourself."


Well, the crowd went wild of course, and Donnie didn't seem too displeased himself. He does like to be the center of attention. If you look closely at the picture above, you'll notice that there's a photo under his left hand. It's a copy of the one below, where Donnie and our mutual friend, B. J., create a two headed monster. It was all Donnie's idea of course, and he wanted to get me in there as well, but I begged off by saying that someone had to take the picture. He loved the result, and I had to print lots of copies for him to give to all his friends.


Thursday, January 19, 2006

Philosophical Musings




I'm pretty sure that this technique is why I never had much success dating. I think most of the women were probably not all that philosophical until after they had been out with me.









Most of you would probably prefer that I was the one with duct tape over my mouth ... or over my keyboard, as the case may be.


The thing that struck me about this cartoon was that, if it were not for the fact that they can read our minds, this would be a wonderful way for men to occupy their time while listening to women go on about things that aren't about sports, food, cars, food, sex, eating, or explosions ... the kinds of things that men are interested in.

Monday, January 16, 2006

One of Those Days




Well, of course, as a member of the retired class, I'd just like to say that I feel your pain. I really don't since I'm laying here in bed with my hot chocolate and the TV going, but I'd really like to. Snicker, gnork, hee, hee, etc. --gk

Friday, January 13, 2006

Coffee and Cleaning Tips for Bachelors




Now that's real coffee! Just the way I like it, so strong you can eat it with a fork.







These guys are apparently a bit more into house cleaning than I am. I clean my ceiling about once every ten years by painting over the stains and dirt, and I live in a basement where, when the rain is really heavy, water comes in and cleans my floor for me. Works great except for once in a while you get up and accidentally step in a puddle of cold water in the middle of the night.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Blooper Reel




Anybody starting to see a theme here? I guess I'm just not very sanguine about the future at the moment. Remember the Republicans who were going to clean up Washington. What happened to them? I guess those old time religious people who took vows of poverty might have had a point.


It all seems to come back to the idea that people shouldn't be allowed to vote for anyone that they don't know personally. We should return to a simple representative system where each level elects the level above, and they can elect a replacement at any time. No money for elections. Just a simple raising of hands...or not.

Monday, January 09, 2006

2006 Predictions




It's all bound to happen. You know it's just a matter of time. Go read your history books or the Bible. See what happens to people who are so absorbed in the pursuit of idle pleasures. Global warming or hellfire, one way or another it's going to get pretty warm around here. --gk

Monday, January 02, 2006

Happy New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!




I suppose I should make some resolutions, but I don't really feel like it so here's a cartoon to support my position on that or something. It's too early in the year for me to worry about complete logical consistency.







Here's another cartoon to support my position on smelly feet. Fortunately I live alone, so I have no need to make a resolution about that either.







And finally here's a cartoon with some recipe advice. With me around you don't need any more nuts.




Monday, December 12, 2005

Whining over Winter of Discontent!


Winter came roaring in too fast here in the midlands. One day it was sixty and the next it was below zero. I usually like the changing seasons, but that was apparently a little too much even for me. The other thing is that it's not supposed to last through Christmas. There's a warming trend starting, so we'll be back up to the fifties by the end of the month, and all the white stuff will be gone.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Happy Holidaze!

Well, I made it to Chicago and got through the storms and the wedding without any insurmountable problems. I enjoyed visiting with my sisters and brothers and the other members of the family.


I could have done without a little of the bad weather. It's been very cold and snowy here in Lincoln for the past week or two. I've gotten used to having winter hold off til after Christmas, but I guess I won't be spoiled like that this year. If anyone has any warm weather to send by, please feel free to do so. I generally like winter, but this came too unexpectedly and is lasting too long.


I figured that since I was stuck inside, I might as well get started on the holiday cards, so here's a little holiday greeting for everyone. Try not to eat too much.





Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!



Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thanksgiving Funnies for You Turkeys!







Looking ahead a little to the big shopping day tomorrow, I had this great idea for a present someone could get me, but then I got very sadly disillusioned.




Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Keep Your Eyes on the Road


Well, it is important to enjoy yourself, but keep your eyes open for dangers too. I may be a bit paranoid, but it's hard to be otherwise after reading the news. Terrorists in the Middle East, crazy criminals running loose in the streets, floods, hurricanes, tornados, and slippery bathtubs. It's a dangerous world out there. I think I'll go back to bed.




Of course there is a lot to be thankful for. I have some wonderful friends and family. I'm sure somebody would pick me up if I slipped and fell in the bathtub. I seem to be very healthy for a dirty old man, and my paranoia is under control most of the time. Just don't try to sneak up on me. I might freak out and beat the crap out of you.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Men's Fashion


I'm packing to go to a wedding, so seeing all my outdated clothes made this seem pretty amusing to me. Since I'm now officially a retired dirty old man, I think I can wear whatever I want to as long as it covers up the dirty bits. (Brit slang for private parts is much better than ours.) If you want to have private parts showing, you need to be Brittany Spears; or they send you to the funny farm.




The weather has been really nice here. I had a great time biking yesterday, and I plan to get out again today. You have to ride while you can in this area of the country. You never know when a blizzard or tornado might come along and ruin everything.



Tuesday, November 15, 2005

First Snow




It's too warm for it to last long, but I'm always excited to see the first snow of the season. I know I'll probably get tired of it before long, but the snow covers up all the blemishes on the scenery and makes everything look new for a couple of hours until people walk all over it, and it gets all dirty.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Mind over Matter?

Think Spring



You're as young as you feel, and I have the proof. The Journal of the American Geriatric Society reports on a Harvard Medical School study of the way 47 elderly men walked. As part of the study, researchers offered the men either positive or negative messages about the meaning of old age. Some were told they were in great shape, while others got nothing but bad news.


Those who had been given the negative stereotypes of aging continued to shuffle along. But the men who were given positive messages had more spring in their step. Many started walking as if they were 20 years younger. The study's conclusion? At least some of the effects of old age are just stereotypes that people buy into.




I feel pretty good myself, but I could use a few new parts. My knees need work, and my back is bad sometimes. I figure I'll be able to get replacements in a few years, if the world doesn't fall apart, although the last time I checked that isn't looking like such a good bet.