Best Breakfast Ever

Heinz toasts new product -- 5/19/2006

From: The Daily Telegraph (Sydney, Austrailia)

FOR those who find baked beans on toast just too messy to put together, help is on the way. Heinz has devised a frozen baked bean sandwich which simply needs to be heated in a toaster.

Heinz chief Bill Johnson said the company needed to give people "new ways to use beans. If people take the time to cook beans and put it on toast, why shouldn't we cut the process for them and give them beans on toast?" he said.

The technology is being developed by Heinz researchers in New Zealand.

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The main problem with this story is that it's about something happening in New Zealand, and it appeared in an Austrailian paper. That almost always seems to mean that it's a hoax of some kind.

Baked beans on toast doesn't sound all that bad to an old bachelor like me. Just two ingredients really, although the toast does require a bit of preparation, which is a definite negative. It covers two of the basic food groups, your can of beans and your bread. If you have a can of beer with it, you're pretty much golden. One problem that might bother those with higher culinary aspirations is the fact that all that stuff is pretty much the same color, so if you happen to have some still green celery or pickles (much more likely in bachelor pads) around, they might be a good addition. Remember that mustard is yellow, so it's a good addition too, and you can make a nice design on top to impress your girlfriend.

The BBC on UFOs

UFO study finds no sign of aliens

Mark Simpson -- BBC News

A confidential Ministry of Defence report on Unidentified Flying Objects has concluded that there is no proof of alien life forms.

In spite of the secrecy surrounding the UFO study, it seems citizens of planet Earth have little to worry about.

The report, which was completed in 2000 and stamped "Secret: UK Eyes Only", has been made public for the first time.

Only a small number of copies were produced and the identity of the man who wrote it has been protected.

His findings were only made public thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, after a request by Sheffield Hallam University academic Dr David Clarke.

The four-year study - entitled Unidentified Aerial Phenomena in the UK - tackles the long-running question by UFO-spotters: "Is anyone out there?"

The answer, it seems, is "no".

The 400-page report puts it like this: "No evidence exists to suggest that the phenomena seen are hostile or under any type of control, other than that of natural physical forces."

It adds: "There is no evidence that 'solid' objects exist which could cause a collision hazard."

So if there are no such things as little green men in spaceships or flying saucers, why have so many people reported seeing them?

Well, here is the science bit.

"Evidence suggests that meteors and their well-known effects and, possibly some other less-known effects are responsible for some unidentified aerial phenomena," concludes the report.

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Well, darn! I was hoping that the aliens would land and take over. They couldn't possibly do any worse than our current leaders. Could they? Well, I guess they could start eating us, but I'd probably be OK. I'm so skinny that I'd be last one they'd chose for the table.

Birthday Gift Ideas

People have occasionally asked me what I wanted for my birthday, so I thought I'd publish this gift idea. I do have a fondness for pictures of dead presidents and even greater fondness for pictures of Salmon P. Chase. Sounds like a breed of underwater dogs bred to retrieve fish. Nevertheless, this is one of my favorite portraits. --gk

Elderly v.s. Dirty Old Man

I believe that yesterday was the first time that I've ever referred to myself as elderly. On the other hand, I've owned up to being a dirty old man since I was a sophomore in college back in the 1960s. I've also given up referring to myself as "The World's Greatest Single Individual Living Human Being." Used to be my stock answer to, "How are ya?" It did seem to amuse people for quite a few repetitions, or maybe my friends were just shallow or had short memories. I don't think anyone ever thought I was serious, but I did meet one young lady who thought I was arrogant and self centered.

I suppose I am a bit arrogant in that I do have a lot of faith in my understanding of the world. I do have some standards that I like to maintain in chosing the people that I associate with, but I don't really go to any great lengths to disparage other people or avoid them unless they make me seriously angry or ill. I will respond to claims of fact that seem to be wrong or stupid, but I don't claim to be an authority. I just point out where such claims may be verified or falsified by generally accepted sources. More often I make jokes that show the claim in a humorous light without laughing directly at the claimant.

I don't like discourtesy, violence, or angry argument. I do like serious debate and humorous repartee, which is French for conversation. I do dislike the French also. They are so impressed with themselves; however, that I'm sure they don't care.

Writely Blog Post

This is an attempt to post to my Blog from Writely. Let's see if it works? --gk

Elderly Lincoln Man Almost Drowned in Bed!!

It rained several inches in Lincoln this weekend, and some of the water seeped down into my basement apartment. I was forced to do a bit of mopping, but my kitchen floor is now as clean as can be. Of course this happened right after I'd cleaned the floor anyway, but now it's been rinsed several times. I'd move except that my landlord likes me and keeps my rent low because I cause so few problems ... just got me a new stove and refrigerator and replaced my shower too. The apartment as a whole just got a new washer and dryer as well.

I'd like for it to dry out for a while though, so I can get a little biking in and go out to see all the spring flowers and green grass. I expect even with all that rain we're still in drought conditions because of all the non rainy days for the last couple of years, so we can still use a bit more. Just hold off for a few days. --gk

More Food Worship??

I ran into this little guy on my way downtown last Friday night. He was just sitting there by the side of the walk, so I thought I'd try to get a picture. As soon as I knelt down, he came right over and checked out the camera to see if it was edible. I had to move it back a little to get this picture. He came right up to my shoe but lost interest when he found out that I wasn't actually going to feed him.

I guess it really wasn't fair. He was doing all this posing for me, and I didn't have any food to give him. I guess that's the breaks when you go out panhandling.

Food Worship in the United States

I knew Americans were getting overweight and even obese, but worshipping produce? This is a couple of miles beyond silly and over there with the UFO nuts and the alien abductees. Look, God is communicating with me through my tomato! I mean doesn't he know how to dial a phone or something?

Are we supposed to look for concealed messages from God whenever we eat any fruit or vegetables. What about pasta? Is angel hair pasta some kind of mysterious message from the heavens? Who can repair my alphabet soup if the messages from God aren't coming through by the letters in my bowl? Do I need to take it to a priest and have it blessed or something? Did the person with the sacred tomato win the lottery the next day? I bet they did. So many questions, so few answers. --gk

I Guess I'm the April Fool!

Science, or at least some cartoon animals, have finally discovered what makes relationships so darn difficult. I leave you to ponder the following.

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Of course there is some hope for those of us with overactive imaginations or delusions of adequacy. We can just develop a relationship with an entirely imaginary person and redo mistakes until we get them to come out right.

Next year on Valentines Day I'm going to ask women to be my imaginary girlfriends. That way I can have as many as I want without having to worry about all the entanglements or remembering the their names and buying them gifts on their birthdays and stuff like that.

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OH! I AM SO COMBOBULATED!!

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Well, it's nice to know that there is a technical term for my condition. I think it would be a little more impressive if I converted it into fake Latin as Combobulatus Terminalius. Then whenever people ask me how I am I can just say, "Well, I'm combobulatus terminalius, but it isn't serious."

I used to say, "I'm the worlds greatest single individual living human being." so fast that nobody could understand it, but that's so patently false that I finally gave up on it shortly after entering puberty.

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Now at last here's an award that I'm sure that I can qualify for. As soon as I get that Perfect Procrastinator award at the next meeting of the Procrastinator's Club, I'm going to find out how to apply. Unfortunately, something always seems to come up to put off the programs for the Procrastinators, so it may be awhile.

Mythical Space Cadet

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Well, this is just wrong. Everyone knows that I'd just love to be an entry level space cadet. I'd do almost anything to get into space.

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Unfortunately, I failed my employment interview with NASA, so my space cadet career was put on hold.

Signs of Intelligence

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Insanity, intelligence, what's the difference anyway? In this world, if you're intelligent, it will drive you insane; so the only intelligent thing to do is to be insane to start start with. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Spring???

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Oh yeah, just when it's supposed to be spring, we get the worst storm of the winter, and last fall just before winter was supposed to start we had a big winter storm. On the other hand during most of the time it was supposed to be winter, it was nice, and I was out riding my bicycle. This weather is all screwed up.

I'm blaming it all on Global Warming, but I think the biggest source of greenhouse gasses is not burning carbon based fuels but political speech. We've had a lot more politicians lately, and I think they are just overwhelming the planet's ability to deal with them. The result is more storms. Look at all the hurricanes, look at the tornadoes and blizzards. It's obvious, but who do we put in charge, more politicians. It's got to stop.

Think Twice

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Now if we could only get those idiots in Washington to recognize the wisdom of that statement. Based on the following item that I have posted here, I don't see much hope.

Interesting News

Study: Most get mediocre health care

USA Today: Health and Behavior

Posted 3/15/2006 6:19 PM By Jeff Donn, Associated Press Writer

BOSTON — Startling research from the biggest study ever of U.S. health care quality suggests that Americans — rich, poor, black, white — get roughly equal treatment, but it's woefully mediocre for all.
"This study shows that health care has equal-opportunity defects," said Dr. Donald Berwick, who runs the non-profit Institute for health care Improvement in Cambridge, Mass.

The survey of nearly 7,000 patients, reported Thursday in the New England Journal of Medicine, considered only urban-area dwellers who sought treatment, but it still challenged some stereotypes: These blacks and Hispanics actually got slightly better medical treatment than whites.

Overall, patients received only 55% of recommended steps for top-quality care — and no group did much better or worse than that.

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The story above leaves me wondering just what Congress might be spending our money on if our health care is so bad. You also now have the explanation for my mistrust of the medical profession. Hell, if you can't even buy a good doctor, how are you supposed get decent health care?

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Politics Drives a Senate Spending Spree

The New York Times -- March 18, 2006 News Analysis By CARL HULSE

WASHINGTON, March 17 — The largess demonstrated by the Senate in padding its budget with billions of dollars in additional spending this week showed that lawmakers are no different from many of their constituents: they don't mind pulling out the charge card when money is tight.

Just hours after opening a new line of credit through an increase in the federal debt limit, the Senate splurged on a bevy of popular programs before approving a spending plan that was as much a political document as an economic one, its fine print geared to the coming elections.

Forced to choose between calls for renewed austerity and demands for more money, many Republicans joined Democrats in reaching deeper into the Treasury, leaving the party's push for new fiscal restraint in tatters.

Some of their colleagues said it was an open-and-shut case of nervous politicians ducking a tough spending stance to avoid starring in negative campaign commercials. Republicans in some of this year's tightest races — Conrad Burns of Montana, Mike DeWine of Ohio, Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania, Jim Talent of Missouri and Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island — all backed the chief budget-busting provision as they endorsed an extra $7 billion for medical research, education and worker safety.

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Ah, here's some money for health research. The question is, how do we know that money is actually going to people who will produce any results?

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Lawmakers, analysts and others said the Senate's reluctance to clamp down on spending was a natural result of an approach that fails to recognize a sharply changed reality. In some respects, the administration and Congress act as if the surplus that greeted President Bush when he checked into the White House is still in the bank, rather than recognizing that whatever windfall was available then was eaten up and more by tax cuts.

The reality is that the cuts, plus two wars, new domestic security needs, natural disasters and a big expansion of Medicare have left the government's account badly overdrawn with no prospect of getting it back in balance anytime soon.

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Well, if I owned a company and the people that I hired to run it for me took it from a budget surplus to a nine trillion dollar debt in just six years or so, I'd be asking some pretty serious questions. Gave all our money away, got us bogged down in a foreign war, lost most of our allies and friends; why it's positively Nixonian.

I do have an answer though. I'm gonna get me some of these bionic muscles and become a superhero, so I can set the world to rights. Watch for it in the news!

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Scientists make 'bionic' muscles

BBC News -- March 18, 2006

Scientists have developed artificial, super-strength muscles which are powered by alcohol and hydrogen. And they could eventually be used to make more advanced prosthetic limbs, say researchers at University of Texas.

Writing in Science, they say these artificial muscles are 100 times more powerful than the body's own. They could even be used in "exoskeletons" to give superhuman strength to certain professions such as firefighters, soldiers and astronauts.

Two types of muscle are being investigated by US researchers at the Nanotech Institute at the University of Texas in Dallas, working with colleagues from South Korea. Both release the chemical energy of fuels, such as hydrogen and alcohol, while consuming oxygen. In effect they are replicating the first stage in "breathing" - by taking in oxygen. The existing form of artificial muscles are driven by batteries. However, neither of the types developed by the Texan researchers resembles a normal muscle - being made up of wires, cantilevers and glass bottles.

Created on ... March 18, 2006

I am Irish! Really, I am.

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I guess if I'm going to be truthful, I'm going to have to admit that I'm pretty hard up too.

Wha!!??

French Draft Law Threatens iPod's Future

MyWay.com Mar 17, 1:20 PM (ET)
By LAURENCE FROST

PARIS (AP) - Apple Computer Inc. (AAPL) faces a serious challenge in France, where lawmakers have moved to sever the umbilical cord between its iPod player and iTunes online music store - threatening its lucrative hold on both markets.

Amendments to an online copyright bill, adopted early Friday, would give rivals access to the hitherto-exclusive file formats at the heart of Apple's music business model as well as Sony Corp. (SNE)'s Walkman players and Connect store.

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It's hard to believe that the people who think they can dictate grammatical correctness to the rest of the world don't see eye to eye with the people who think they can dictate Computer Correctness to rest of the world. I am shocked, just really shocked.

Extreme Lack of Self Motivation!

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I think I'm in love. This woman Lila and I just have so much in common.

Chef Caps

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So what the heck is it with those fancy french hats that chefs wear while they're cooking. They don't even work really well for keeping their hair out of the food. I can see using hairnets unless chef's hair is actually part of the recipe, which in my experience may not be that unlikely with french cooking. They do like unusual ingredients don't they?

I mean everyone in that kitchen knows who went to the fancy french cooking school. Why do they want to wear the silly hats? Does it help them when they want to look down their noses at the mere mortals back there helping them out? Wouldn't a fancy french nose extension be better for that?

Great New Sport in Texas

A White House spokesman said today that President Bush will request Congress to award Vice-President Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney. The President was quoted as saying, "All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the balls to do it."

In a related development, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters wishing to bag a lawyer to have a new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $1000, but it will be open season throughout the year, and in Texas, the spokesman said, "that's considered a bargain".

The department further stated that sales so far have been brisk and it is believed the new "lawyers stamp" will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars the first year. Other states, anxious to tap what is seen as a windfall resource that is widely popular, are considering similar game stamps.

Impatient with efforts to close the courts to litigants, the Administration literally fired the first shot in its groundbreaking "No Lawyer Left Standing" initiative. Cheney, hunting on a private lawyer ranch near Kingsville, Texas, bagged an impressive (if superannuated) buck, Harry Whittington, (UT Law '50). Under the new program, hunters may take up to three plaintiffs' lawyers and one defendants' lawyer daily. There will be no bag limit on personal injury, divorce or class-action lawyers. "We've just got to thin the herd," said the Vice-President. "We've tried tort reform and caps on damages, but people are still suing."

"It's easy and fun," the Vice President added. "In Texas, you can shoot in almost any direction and hit a lawyer."