Best Breakfast Ever

Heinz toasts new product -- 5/19/2006

From: The Daily Telegraph (Sydney, Austrailia)

FOR those who find baked beans on toast just too messy to put together, help is on the way. Heinz has devised a frozen baked bean sandwich which simply needs to be heated in a toaster.

Heinz chief Bill Johnson said the company needed to give people "new ways to use beans. If people take the time to cook beans and put it on toast, why shouldn't we cut the process for them and give them beans on toast?" he said.

The technology is being developed by Heinz researchers in New Zealand.

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The main problem with this story is that it's about something happening in New Zealand, and it appeared in an Austrailian paper. That almost always seems to mean that it's a hoax of some kind.

Baked beans on toast doesn't sound all that bad to an old bachelor like me. Just two ingredients really, although the toast does require a bit of preparation, which is a definite negative. It covers two of the basic food groups, your can of beans and your bread. If you have a can of beer with it, you're pretty much golden. One problem that might bother those with higher culinary aspirations is the fact that all that stuff is pretty much the same color, so if you happen to have some still green celery or pickles (much more likely in bachelor pads) around, they might be a good addition. Remember that mustard is yellow, so it's a good addition too, and you can make a nice design on top to impress your girlfriend.

The BBC on UFOs

UFO study finds no sign of aliens

Mark Simpson -- BBC News

A confidential Ministry of Defence report on Unidentified Flying Objects has concluded that there is no proof of alien life forms.

In spite of the secrecy surrounding the UFO study, it seems citizens of planet Earth have little to worry about.

The report, which was completed in 2000 and stamped "Secret: UK Eyes Only", has been made public for the first time.

Only a small number of copies were produced and the identity of the man who wrote it has been protected.

His findings were only made public thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, after a request by Sheffield Hallam University academic Dr David Clarke.

The four-year study - entitled Unidentified Aerial Phenomena in the UK - tackles the long-running question by UFO-spotters: "Is anyone out there?"

The answer, it seems, is "no".

The 400-page report puts it like this: "No evidence exists to suggest that the phenomena seen are hostile or under any type of control, other than that of natural physical forces."

It adds: "There is no evidence that 'solid' objects exist which could cause a collision hazard."

So if there are no such things as little green men in spaceships or flying saucers, why have so many people reported seeing them?

Well, here is the science bit.

"Evidence suggests that meteors and their well-known effects and, possibly some other less-known effects are responsible for some unidentified aerial phenomena," concludes the report.

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Well, darn! I was hoping that the aliens would land and take over. They couldn't possibly do any worse than our current leaders. Could they? Well, I guess they could start eating us, but I'd probably be OK. I'm so skinny that I'd be last one they'd chose for the table.

Birthday Gift Ideas

People have occasionally asked me what I wanted for my birthday, so I thought I'd publish this gift idea. I do have a fondness for pictures of dead presidents and even greater fondness for pictures of Salmon P. Chase. Sounds like a breed of underwater dogs bred to retrieve fish. Nevertheless, this is one of my favorite portraits. --gk

Elderly v.s. Dirty Old Man

I believe that yesterday was the first time that I've ever referred to myself as elderly. On the other hand, I've owned up to being a dirty old man since I was a sophomore in college back in the 1960s. I've also given up referring to myself as "The World's Greatest Single Individual Living Human Being." Used to be my stock answer to, "How are ya?" It did seem to amuse people for quite a few repetitions, or maybe my friends were just shallow or had short memories. I don't think anyone ever thought I was serious, but I did meet one young lady who thought I was arrogant and self centered.

I suppose I am a bit arrogant in that I do have a lot of faith in my understanding of the world. I do have some standards that I like to maintain in chosing the people that I associate with, but I don't really go to any great lengths to disparage other people or avoid them unless they make me seriously angry or ill. I will respond to claims of fact that seem to be wrong or stupid, but I don't claim to be an authority. I just point out where such claims may be verified or falsified by generally accepted sources. More often I make jokes that show the claim in a humorous light without laughing directly at the claimant.

I don't like discourtesy, violence, or angry argument. I do like serious debate and humorous repartee, which is French for conversation. I do dislike the French also. They are so impressed with themselves; however, that I'm sure they don't care.

Writely Blog Post

This is an attempt to post to my Blog from Writely. Let's see if it works? --gk

Elderly Lincoln Man Almost Drowned in Bed!!

It rained several inches in Lincoln this weekend, and some of the water seeped down into my basement apartment. I was forced to do a bit of mopping, but my kitchen floor is now as clean as can be. Of course this happened right after I'd cleaned the floor anyway, but now it's been rinsed several times. I'd move except that my landlord likes me and keeps my rent low because I cause so few problems ... just got me a new stove and refrigerator and replaced my shower too. The apartment as a whole just got a new washer and dryer as well.

I'd like for it to dry out for a while though, so I can get a little biking in and go out to see all the spring flowers and green grass. I expect even with all that rain we're still in drought conditions because of all the non rainy days for the last couple of years, so we can still use a bit more. Just hold off for a few days. --gk