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Thursday, February 14, 2008

My New Hero




This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.....




NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)


SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)


DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.


DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


EDUCATION: Yes.


LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.


PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.


MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.


REASON FOR LEAVING LAST JOB: It sucked.


HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.


PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.


DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.


MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?


DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?


DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"


HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.


DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!


WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.


NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles


DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.


Old People Rock!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Donnie Had a Birthday


A large number of people in the Lincoln area went out Friday and Saturday last week to help Donnie celebrate his birthday. Ordinarily Donnie don't need no help to celebrate, but he seemed to appreciate the attention. Several large seismic events were observed in the vicinity of Barrymore's and at the ZOO Bar. No one is sure exactly when the festivities ended. They're probably still going on somewhere. ---gk

Friday, February 08, 2008

The Bel Airs



Tabblo: ZOOfotos - The Bel Airs - 2/8/2008

Columbia, Missouri's favorite sons came back to the ZOO for a couple of nights of great music. If you fooled around and missed it, shame on you!
Bel Airs on the Web

... See my Tabblo