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Sunday, January 29, 2006

New Computer




Well, I have to admit that I'm one of those older models, but what I want to know is where I can get a computer just like the one in the cartoon that will feed me coffee and give me a jump start in the morning. My imaginary wife, Lucky, is no help. She seems to be a night person just like me.

Hooray for Chocolate!!

The Sweet Truth


Here's one for all you candy lovers out there.



A study reported in the prestigious British Medical Journal suggests that people who regularly eat candy live up to a year longer than those who deprive themselves.



The study looked at the 1998 health records of 7,841 men, who entered Harvard as undergraduates between 1916 and 1950. And it found that people who eat modest amounts of candy bars, from one to three a month, have a 36 percent lower risk of death than those who abstain.



The researchers say that antioxidant phenols in the chocolate portion of the candy probably are responsible for the added longevity. They say the amount of phenols in a 1.5-ounce chocolate bar are about the same as in a glass of red wine.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Conflict at Home!


Lucky is usually very understanding, but she seems to get very possessive when it comes to other imaginary people. I think maybe she wants me to act a bit more 'grown up' as well. --gk

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Danae Explains Blogging

Danae explains the joy of blogging to the ghost of her great grandfather who seems to be thrilled with the new opportunities to avoid actual personal contact. There is one thing to be said for the Internet though. It's better for your computer to be sick with all kinds of viruses you get from E-mail than for you to get the avian flu from real public appearances.







It's really true, you know. It's possible to maintain the illusion of communication without all that noise and without relinquishing any control of your own life. You can talk when YOU want, and listen (or read) when YOU want. And, perhaps most important of all, no one can see you, so you can avoid all those pesky matters of personal hygiene on those days when you just don't have the energy.

Friday, January 20, 2006

The Wonders of Donnie Waugh


I have this friend and drinking buddy named Donnie Waugh from Atlantic Iowa. Donnie is a local Lincoln legend, whose brain seems to be wired up somewhat differently from normal. (Not that I should talk.) The way Donnie's mind jumps around makes it a bit hard to follow his train of thought sometimes; and as his alcohol content rises, his speech becomes somewhat slurred making it even more difficult. However; it's usually worth the effort, as he does come up with some really intersting observations.



Last night I was at my favorite local hangout, Barrymores. Donnie came in while I was there, so Clayton, the bartender, served us up some of the party mix. Don was being his very best bombastic self and waxing eloquent on all subjects as usual. His attention eventually came around to the party mix, and he asked me if I'd ever had any of the special mix that he made. "It's far superior, my boy. I use at least 80% nuts in mine!"


I looked at him for a couple of seconds and said, "Well, that makes sense, Donnie. You're about 80% nuts yourself."


Well, the crowd went wild of course, and Donnie didn't seem too displeased himself. He does like to be the center of attention. If you look closely at the picture above, you'll notice that there's a photo under his left hand. It's a copy of the one below, where Donnie and our mutual friend, B. J., create a two headed monster. It was all Donnie's idea of course, and he wanted to get me in there as well, but I begged off by saying that someone had to take the picture. He loved the result, and I had to print lots of copies for him to give to all his friends.


Thursday, January 19, 2006

Philosophical Musings




I'm pretty sure that this technique is why I never had much success dating. I think most of the women were probably not all that philosophical until after they had been out with me.









Most of you would probably prefer that I was the one with duct tape over my mouth ... or over my keyboard, as the case may be.


The thing that struck me about this cartoon was that, if it were not for the fact that they can read our minds, this would be a wonderful way for men to occupy their time while listening to women go on about things that aren't about sports, food, cars, food, sex, eating, or explosions ... the kinds of things that men are interested in.

Monday, January 16, 2006

One of Those Days




Well, of course, as a member of the retired class, I'd just like to say that I feel your pain. I really don't since I'm laying here in bed with my hot chocolate and the TV going, but I'd really like to. Snicker, gnork, hee, hee, etc. --gk

Friday, January 13, 2006

Coffee and Cleaning Tips for Bachelors




Now that's real coffee! Just the way I like it, so strong you can eat it with a fork.







These guys are apparently a bit more into house cleaning than I am. I clean my ceiling about once every ten years by painting over the stains and dirt, and I live in a basement where, when the rain is really heavy, water comes in and cleans my floor for me. Works great except for once in a while you get up and accidentally step in a puddle of cold water in the middle of the night.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Blooper Reel




Anybody starting to see a theme here? I guess I'm just not very sanguine about the future at the moment. Remember the Republicans who were going to clean up Washington. What happened to them? I guess those old time religious people who took vows of poverty might have had a point.


It all seems to come back to the idea that people shouldn't be allowed to vote for anyone that they don't know personally. We should return to a simple representative system where each level elects the level above, and they can elect a replacement at any time. No money for elections. Just a simple raising of hands...or not.

Monday, January 09, 2006

2006 Predictions




It's all bound to happen. You know it's just a matter of time. Go read your history books or the Bible. See what happens to people who are so absorbed in the pursuit of idle pleasures. Global warming or hellfire, one way or another it's going to get pretty warm around here. --gk

Monday, January 02, 2006

Happy New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!




I suppose I should make some resolutions, but I don't really feel like it so here's a cartoon to support my position on that or something. It's too early in the year for me to worry about complete logical consistency.







Here's another cartoon to support my position on smelly feet. Fortunately I live alone, so I have no need to make a resolution about that either.







And finally here's a cartoon with some recipe advice. With me around you don't need any more nuts.