Thanksgiving Funnies for You Turkeys!

---

---

Looking ahead a little to the big shopping day tomorrow, I had this great idea for a present someone could get me, but then I got very sadly disillusioned.

---

Keep Your Eyes on the Road

Well, it is important to enjoy yourself, but keep your eyes open for dangers too. I may be a bit paranoid, but it's hard to be otherwise after reading the news. Terrorists in the Middle East, crazy criminals running loose in the streets, floods, hurricanes, tornados, and slippery bathtubs. It's a dangerous world out there. I think I'll go back to bed.

---

Of course there is a lot to be thankful for. I have some wonderful friends and family. I'm sure somebody would pick me up if I slipped and fell in the bathtub. I seem to be very healthy for a dirty old man, and my paranoia is under control most of the time. Just don't try to sneak up on me. I might freak out and beat the crap out of you.

Men's Fashion

I'm packing to go to a wedding, so seeing all my outdated clothes made this seem pretty amusing to me. Since I'm now officially a retired dirty old man, I think I can wear whatever I want to as long as it covers up the dirty bits. (Brit slang for private parts is much better than ours.) If you want to have private parts showing, you need to be Brittany Spears; or they send you to the funny farm.

---

The weather has been really nice here. I had a great time biking yesterday, and I plan to get out again today. You have to ride while you can in this area of the country. You never know when a blizzard or tornado might come along and ruin everything.

---

First Snow

---

It's too warm for it to last long, but I'm always excited to see the first snow of the season. I know I'll probably get tired of it before long, but the snow covers up all the blemishes on the scenery and makes everything look new for a couple of hours until people walk all over it, and it gets all dirty.

Mind over Matter?

Think Spring

You're as young as you feel, and I have the proof. The Journal of the American Geriatric Society reports on a Harvard Medical School study of the way 47 elderly men walked. As part of the study, researchers offered the men either positive or negative messages about the meaning of old age. Some were told they were in great shape, while others got nothing but bad news.

Those who had been given the negative stereotypes of aging continued to shuffle along. But the men who were given positive messages had more spring in their step. Many started walking as if they were 20 years younger. The study's conclusion? At least some of the effects of old age are just stereotypes that people buy into.

---

I feel pretty good myself, but I could use a few new parts. My knees need work, and my back is bad sometimes. I figure I'll be able to get replacements in a few years, if the world doesn't fall apart, although the last time I checked that isn't looking like such a good bet.